First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
