"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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