we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bring money and cleavage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
