This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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