shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize