I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
