id be glad to
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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