Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
