The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
