Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
