First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
