Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
