I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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