Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
