Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
