Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
