tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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