where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
