her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
