Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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