Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
