Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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