Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
