Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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