Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
