i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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