so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN