Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?