i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im part way to drunk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one