I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.