hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?