i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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