Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
