idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
