I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
