the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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