So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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