420 ftw
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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