yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize