He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
