So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
