It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
