Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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