Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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