if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
