He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
