I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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