theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
