Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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