We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
