I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
