went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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