then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
