i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
