med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
