i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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