Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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