don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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