i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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