We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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