So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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