your thong is hanging out like whoa
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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