I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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