Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
