She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
