I got chris browned last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had sex on a roof
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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