is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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